The 5 Steps of Losing You
by dolphinherovamp5
Summary: After Edward dumps Bella for a foreign girl named Heidi, she must deal with the loss of her only love. AH/Complete
1. Grievance

**Author's Note: Posting a little earlier than planned, but that's okay! Anyways, please give a big hand to beta TRDancer for catching all my dumbass mistakes and even at one point telling me that I should look it all over, give more detail, and then send it to her. Plus, I love the way she betas. It may be more work for me, but helps me see where I went wrong. Now, read since you already clicked on this!**

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Twilight or any characters related to it.

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Breaking up can be one of the hardest experiences a person has while a teenager, when there isn't anything like abuse or exclusion going on in the teen's life at that time. Honestly, I kind of wonder how anybody can live through any of the things that teens deal with. From one being dumped to another that is constantly prey to the lions of our schools, it sometimes can be a huge 'DUR' to researchers when studying, though I don't think they still get it. Makes you wonder how they became what they did.

But that isn't exactly the point I want to state while telling my story.

I want to tell you how I dealt with my break up with five easy steps. Are my five steps the same as another's? God, I'm not sure. I bet they aren't. Just look at the rise of suicides and stuff related to that. Of course, I have no clue what was the reason behind each of those happenings, but I'm quite sure at least a nice little group of them consist of dumpees. Trust me. I remember how it felt when I got dumped. I was ready for any type of death to happen to me. Whether it was suicide or natural, either would have been wonderful.

But I was strong. Stronger than most. It makes me proud that I can be telling you the five steps I went through just to return being the Bella I had been. Of course, not everything was the same. I was no longer in love with my best friend or dating him. We were just friends. Best friends. Sometimes it can be awkward, but that was all part of the post-break up friendship. We had to deal with it.

I guess I should start telling my story, not going on and on about the details. You can just wait and see what happens. And how. And why.

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For me, the first step was grievance. Why is that? Obviously because I was just dumped.

But I want to start out by giving you a play-by-play of what actually happened.

It was a chilly October morning in Forks, Washington. Edward, my old boyfriend, and I were sitting outside of the high school we attended, silence filling the air. Everybody was inside, unable to stand the chills the October day was giving off.

I wanted to fill the silence. When it's quiet, I always feel antsy.

I didn't know what to say. What could I say? Gosh, the question had been driving me crazy.

Edward broke the silence first. "So, I heard there is a new girl."

"Really? Well, it is about the time for a new student." The silence returned. I'd started to hate these silent moments between us.

The bell run, breaking the silence, and we stood up.

"See you later," Edward said, pecking me on the lips.

"You too."

The first few classes before lunch were quite normal. I saw the new girl in my first period. Her name was Heidi Bach. She was German and loved to brag about the meanings of her first and last names. According to her, she has learned that Heidi means "noble kin" and Bach means "brook." From what it looked like from me and probably everybody else, she has an obsession with name meanings and origins. She even asked me what my name was and pointed out that Bella meant beautiful, which I already knew.

Honestly, it was annoying as hell to me, and I wished she would just shut up. She never did. To this day, she still tells people the meaning of their names without them giving a damn. Maybe it's this upbeatness that makes me her friend now, after all the shit she has caused for me.

Anyways, by lunchtime, I was annoyed by the comments from each gender. All the girls were talking about how they wanted to pull her in and make her their friend. The boys were discussing how hot she was and how they desperately wished they could have her. Even the boys with girlfriends seemed ready to attack the girl from their raging lust. Maybe she was wearing that perfume made of female hormones that was made back in the 80s or sometime around then. Idiot girl. Didn't she know that the selling of it was halted because males actually did attack the females? Kind of weird how that perfume worked out.

When I entered the lunchroom, it all looked normal. A group of friends here, a bunch of jocks there-except for the one table over across the room. I saw Miss Noble Kin Brook sitting in _my_ seat, talking to _my _Edward. I was furious, considering how territorial I could be. I hate when people steal my seat or talk to Edward and act as if they were going to steal him. I could tell she was. How? By the way she was flipping her hair, leaning in closely…slowly making her skirt inch up higher, exposing the part of her thighs that hadn't been showing-and that hadn't been much to start with.

I could see the PDA coming, but I couldn't stop it. Slowly, Heidi pressed her lips to Edward's, grabbing his shirt and bringing him closer. The kiss lasted for exactly four minutes and seventeen seconds. Nobody else in the cafeteria noticed but me since everybody else was all eyes and ears while police officers were arresting a teacher for sexual assalt against a student. I saw it all. I saw the way Heidi rubbed her chest against his as she whispered in his ear and the way he abruptly stood up and began basically dragging Heidi out the door on their side of the room. I even felt my feet move toward the door and my hands push, trying to not make too much noise to hint that I was following them. Finally, I made it to the door that I saw them enter. It was a janitor's closet and had quite thin walls and door. I could practically hear the sweat sliding down their skin and each lash of his tongue against any part of her.

I stayed and listened through the whole thing. As their clothes dropped and their bodies connected. As Heidi moaned in pleasure, and Edward grunted in success.

I thought I was going to be his first, but from the sounds of it, I never was. His virginity was already gone before we dated. He just wanted to make me feel special. How did I know this? Because you could hear the confidence through the door. Edward was usually a shy guy at the subject of sex when it came to me, but apparently not with Heidi. Because Heidi was a temple, and he wanted to enter that god damn temple, even it killed him. Even if his girlfriend was devastated from hearing his entry into the temple without a sliver of guilt holding him back.

The sex was no quickie. It lasted almost through the whole lunch period. I couldn't eat. I felt like throwing up.

Two minutes before the bell, the two walked out. Their hair and clothes were disheveled in a way that was obviously an after-sex look. They both seemed to be glowing. This made me feel like hiding in a hole and dying slowly. I could never make Edward that happy, even if I did give myself to him. I was not Heidi. I was Bella.

It took only a second for Edward to notice me, and the glow disappeared quickly. He looked torn and broken. Well, it wasn't exactly my fault. I wasn't rendezvousing with a German exchange chick in a janitor's closet, for God's sakes.

Edward spread his arms and walked to me slowly. "Bella, I'm so sorry."

I backed away, my head shaking. "No, you're not. If you were, you would have never done it."

He put his arms done, sighed, and looked away. "What exactly am I supposed to say after cheating? That I break up with you?"

"Might as well," I spat. "You sounded cozier with _her_ than me."

Edward bit his lip. "Okay then. I guess we're through." He reached for Heidi's hand and grasped it. "Let's go, Heidi."

She smiled up at him and leaned against him. "Okay, Eddie." As they started walking away, I saw them exchanging their hands from each other to the other's back pockets.

Edward never let me call him Eddie.

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There were maybe about a million and one emotions I was feeling. But I can only name about three. Sadness. Jealousy. Anger.

What the fuck was Edward thinking? Dumping me? No. No. It was not right to me. It was not right at all.

While at school, I was close to a major breakdown, and I'm lucky I was able to cap it all up until I got home. Because as soon as I was inside the house and the door was shut, I fell to the floor, sobbing like there was no tomorrow.

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**If there is any part of this you do not understand, please tell me and I'll explain. Next update will be June 12th.  
-Ashley(dolphinherovamp5)**


	2. Avoidance

**Author's Note: Almost forgot about updating. It's been so hot today and I went to a couple places. Tomorrow I have my family reunion, so I'm excited. Anyways, this chapter sucks to high heavens. The next one will be the same. Well, enjoy. =)**

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As I lay curled like that, I imagined the many ways I could try to kill myself and succeed. I even managed to go to my parent's medicine cabinets and grab the strongest pills I knew they had. But I knew that committing suicide wouldn't work out well. I might even fail and be labeled a freak.

So, how could I avoid the pain and grief?

That was step two.

Avoidance.

I felt that I had to avoid the pain through any possible method. So, with one press of a button on my cell phone, I called Jasper.

"What do you need, baby girl?" His southern-twanged voice came out of the receiver.

"Your best," I said, feeling confident.

"Are you sure? I don't think you can handle that stuff. That's for the big dogs." Jasper chuckled, a slight cough in it.

"I'm sure."

"'Kay. I'll send my best shit over. And by the sounds of it, maybe you should keep the deliverer. How 'bout it?"

"Definitely." God knew that I'd needed both.

"It'll be there in ten minutes."

"Thanks, Jasper."

"You're welcome, baby girl."

I watched out my window, waiting for a car to pull up that doesn't belong to either of my parents…or him.

It wasn't long before a red sports car pulled into the driveway and an Indian-looking guy holding a small paper bag got out. I let my eyes graze over the man. He didn't look half bad, just wasn't my type. But he'd have to do.

After the man knocked a couple of times, I answered the door with a fake smile on my face. "Come on in." He nodded and walked on in. I closed the door and leaned against it, staring. He stared back.

He seemed to become uncomfortable, so I pointed towards the living room. "Go sit down in there, and I'll get you something to drink. We have lemonade, tea, pop, and water. What would you like?"

As he walked toward the living room, he responded, "I guess water is fine." His voice was deep and almost attractive.

I fixed two glasses of water and brought them back to the room. I put them down and then just stood in front of the man. "Put the bag on the table and stand up." He complied. After he was standing, I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned toward his ear, whispering, "How far are you willing to go?"

He then whispered back in my ear, "All the way, baby."

"Alright then." The man picked me up by my ass, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as I smashed my lips to his.

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**The identity of the deliverer will be revealed in the last chapter. Lol. Next update: June 16th  
-Ashley(dolphinherovamp5)**


	3. Realization

**Author's Note: Another chapter that could have been better. Enjoy!**

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Fucking a stranger in my living room was the most random experience I've had in a long time. Shows you how restricted my relationship with _him _was. Wait…don't think about it. Think about the man holding me in his arms.

Most girls would feel safe in that man's arms, but I just felt a little dirty. Why was that?

The answer came with the third step.

Realization.

There, in that man's arms, I realized that you can't avoid something like breaking up. You had to pursue it head-on, no matter what decided to get in your way.

Along with the realization came the clean-up. I had to clean up the mess called the man I fucked and the drugs he brought. It was wrong to assume that avoiding the problem would save me.

I looked up into the stranger's face. He was staring back at me. I wasn't sure how I was going to do this, but I had to in order to move on.

"You can leave now," I whispered, loud enough for him to hear me.

His face showed sadness that I could almost understand. I get that his heart is broken like mine, but it doesn't make sense. He barely knows me. Maybe he's been around when I went to visit Jasper. Love at first sight, perhaps?

As he was getting up and putting on his clothes, I grabbed his hand, which caused him to stop what he was doing and look at me. "But, if you want, I suggest you come back soon so we can get to know each other."

He smiled. "I'll be glad to."

I could feel the start of a beautiful friendship. Maybe even a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

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**I'm currently watching an anime called Zombie Loan. Interesting so far. Let's see if it turns out any good. Next update: June 22nd  
-Ashley(dolphinherovamp5)**


	4. The Decision

**Author's Note: Another short chapter. Next one will be longer though. Promise.**

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After you realize that avoiding the problem is wrong, you must figure out what to do next.

Therefore, that's where the third step comes in.

The Decision.

Now, what did I decide to do next, you may ask?

I concluded that I had to work my way into the last step.

Isn't it funny when you think about it? The tough journey you take when you break up. You can take the blow in so many different ways and heal from it in so many different lengths of time. However, no matter the situation, the break-up will cause things like invisible scars on your heart and strength to keep you up through your next heartbreak.

These strings had been cut between Edward and me, but I hoped that we could retie them. They didn't have to be as strong as they were when we were together. I just wanted them to be connected again so there was no tension, and I could always find a friend in him.

So, that was my decision. I decided that I wanted to keep living as I was, with Edward as a best friend and that deliverer as a possible boyfriend.

The decision had been hard but necessary. I had been a bit broken, but I continued standing tall. I was no longer part of an endless fall off the face of the earth.

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**The next update is a mystery. Maybe June 29th? =)  
-Ashley(dolphinherovamp5)**


	5. Acceptance

**Author's Note: Yep. I've finally updated and this is the final chapter. So sad. I originally was going to make some long-ass chapter, but this is what ended happening. To tell you the truth, I like it how it is. It's kind of simple and states the point. I hope you enjoy the final chapter of The 5 Steps of Losing You!**

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In the end comes one final step.

This is the step every person goes through, unless they choose a path of destruction.

It's called Acceptance.

I guess you could call it the hardest step of all, considering the fact that you have to look at your break up head-on and shout that it no longer hurts as it did before.

It's certainly a huge step in the world of breaking up and will always be the cause of what comes next. Whether you succeed in accepting or not, it will affect your future.

The time limit for when you begin to accept is different for every person. It depends on the break up and your state of mind. Actually, it depends on every little detail that occurs from the time you break up to the time when you finally accept it. It all matters.

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I entered the school with my head held high, not showing any weakness. I didn't want anybody to look down on me just because of the break-up that happened between Edward and me the day before. I wanted to be treated as their equal. However, when you think about it, I was already their equal _because _of the break-up. It was a normal teenage thing, and they all will or have faced the traumatic steps that are taken to get to acceptance.

One thing after a break up that will inevitably crush a person's heart is when they see their ex. It causes complete turmoil inside a person. So when I saw Edward that day, I swore my heart cracked slowly and shattered into a billions shards. I wasn't sure if he felt the same feeling, but I noticed a hint of guilt cross his face when he saw me. What did it mean? I'm not even sure now. I didn't have the courage to ask and I still don't.

The whole day inside that school with Edward in most of my classes made me feel even shittier than I'd been feeling before, but I also felt freer. I was no longer truly in pain. I was happy.

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After the aftermath of the break-up had washed away, I began hanging out with the stranger Jasper sent to my house and eventually started dating him. His name is Jacob Black. After I got to know him, he proved to be honestly great guy. It almost makes me wonder how he was mixed up with Jasper.

Dating Jacob wasn't the only thing that happened after everything happened. Jasper stopped selling drugs, and Edward and I became friends again. Of course, Heidi didn't approve of the friendship, but she ended up getting over her jealousy. She didn't have much choice if she wanted to continue dating Edward.

Now, as I sit here on this couch writing this, I'm not sure how else I can wrap up this story without this little piece of advice.

If you are faced with a break-up of your own, don't fret. Just do what you think is best and let it all work out. Turning to things like drugs or revenge will just damage your life, while a break-up can actually strengthen you.

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**On my profile is a link to the banners for my stories. Recently, I received the The 5 Steps of Losing You banner I requested reachingasifall to make. To be honest, it is worth checking out. So what are you waiting for? Go check it out! But first, review and tell me how this story may have effected you. Oh! And lots of love to my beta, TRDancer! My mistakes would be showing if it weren't for her.  
-Ashley(dolphinherovamp5)**


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